I went to a tattoo parlor and had YES written onto the palm of my left hand and NO onto my right palm what can I say it hasnt made my life wonderful its made life possible when I rub my hands against each other in the middle of winter I am warming myself with the friction of YES and NO when I clap my hands I am showing my appreciation through the uniting and parting of YES and NO I signify book by peeling open my hands every book for me is the balance of YES and NO even this one my last one especially this one. Does it break my heart of course every moment of every day into more pieces than my heart was made of I never thought of myself as quiet much less silent I never thought about things at all everything changed the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasnt the world it wasnt the bombs and burning buildings it was me my thinking the cancer of never letting go is ignorance bliss I dont know but its so painful to think and tell me what did thinking ever do for me to what great place did thinking ever bring me I think and think and think Ive thought myself out of happiness one million times but never once into it.
And I still love you in my own fucked-up way. I miss you I really do. Can we still be friends