I look down at our knees slightly touching. Jeans against jeans. Does she notice the heat transferring from her body to mine Does she even realize what shes doing to me I know I know. Im not a virgin and the slightest touch of a girls knee is driving me insane. I dont even know what Im feeling for Maggie I just know that Im feeling. Its something Ive tried to avoid and deny until yesterday when I held her in my arms while her tears spilled onto my shirt.God our knees touching isnt enough. I need more.Shes knotting her fingers together on her lap as if she doesnt know what to do with them. I want to touch her but what if she pulls awaylike before Ive never been such a wuss with a girl in my life.I bite my bottom lip as I slide my hand about millionth of a millimeter closer to her hand.She doesnt seem fazed so I move closer. And closer.When the tips of my fingers touch her wrist she freezes. But she doesnt jerk her hand away. God her skin is so soft I think as my fingers trail a path from her wrist to her knuckles to her smooth manicured nails.I swear touching her like this is driving me nuts. Its more erotic more intense than any other time with Kendra. I feel awkward andinexperienced as a freshman again. I look up. Everyone else is oblivious to the intensity of emotions running rampant in the back of the public bus.When I look back down at my hand covering hers Im grateful she hasnt come to her senses and pulled away. As if she knows mythoughts we both turn our hands at the same time so our hands are palm against palm...finger against finger. Her hand is dwarfed against mine. It makes her seem more delicate and petite than Id realize. I feel a need to protect her and be her champion should she ever need one.With a slight shift of my hand I lace my fingers through hers.Im holding hands. With Maggie Armstrong.Im not even going to think about how wrong it is because it feels so right. Shes avoided looking right at me but now she turns her headand our eyes lock. God how come I never noticed before how long her lashes were and how her brown eyes have specks of gold that sparkle when the sun shine on themThe bus stops suddenly and I look out the window. Its our stop. She must have realized this because she pulls her hand away from mine and stands. I follow behind still reeling.
And I still love you in my own fucked-up way. I miss you I really do. Can we still be friends