In that moment I welcomed back the light and let go of the fear the feelings of unworthiness the past the loss the wallowing the grief and the anger. I let go of the illusion of control in our losses of our afflictions.

Some part of me broke in prayer that morning and some part of me was reborn as I gave myself fully and completely to prayer and to God in that moment.

As I was wheeled into the operating room I pleaded withGod for one more day one more week one more month with her.

My love for you is a prayer she thought. Love is the only prayer I know.

Father be near as we are surrounded by this cloud of deep suffering. Open our eyes to see that you are all things the light and the darkness not only those things that seem good in our eyes but the horrifying unexplainable. Wrap us up inside of the cloud and reveal the mysteries that can only be learned in places of sorrow that when we walk out we will be as Moses transformed by the shadow and beaming with the radiant light of your glory. Give us the strength to love on though our hearts are broken.

If those we love visit us when we dream those who torment us almost always visit us when were still awake.

In the games of queens and kings we leave our dreams at the door and we make do with what we have. Sometimes if were fortunate we still manage to have a good life.

Maybe this is a second doctoral program advanced learning about life death marriage mothering family faith patience prayer. My degree will be Doctor of Life and I will be in good company. So many of us earn our Doctor of Life degrees.

Will you let me go for Christs sake Will you take that phony dream and burn it before something happens

I work so hard for profits because my dreams are expensive.