This isnt a crush its obsession.You are never not in my thoughts. Your scent carries across a room and paralyzes me with longing. I dont want to hold your hand. Part of me wants to set you on fire and hold you while the flame consumes us both to eat your heart so I know that only I possess it entirely.
So thats how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal theloss no matter how important the thing thats stolen from us - thatssnatched right out of our hands - even if we are left completelychanged with only the outer layer of skin from before we continue toplay out our lives this way in silence. We draw ever nearer to theend of our allotted span of time bidding it farewell as it trails offbehind. Repeating often adroitly the endless deeds of the everyday. Leaving behind a feeling of insurmountable emptiness...Maybe in some distant place everything is already quietly lost.Or at least there exists a silent place where everything candisappear melting together in a single overlapping figure. And aswe live our lives we discover - drawing toward us the thin threadsattached to each - what has been lost. I closed my eyes and tried tobring to mind as many beautiful lost things as I could. Drawing themcloser holding on to them. Knowing all the while that their livesare fleeting.
contiguous adj.I felt silly for even mentioning it but once I did I knew I had to explain. When I was a kid I had this puzzle with all fifty states on it--you know the kind where you have to fit them all together. And one day I got it in my head that California and Nevada were in love. I told my mom and she had no idea what I was talking about. I ran and got those two pieces and showed it to her--California and Nevada completely in love. So a lot of the time when were like this--my ankles against the backs of your ankles my knees fitting into the backs of your knees my thighs on the backs of your legs my stomach against your back my chin folding into your neck--I cant help but think about California and Nevada and how were a lot like them. If someone were drawing us from above as a map. thats what wed look like thats how we are. For a moment you were quiet. And then you nestled in and whispered. Contiguous. And I knew you understood.
His lips soften into a smile that cracks apart my spine. He repeats my name like the word amuses him. Entertains him. Delights him. In seventeen years no one has said my name like that
I made myself an I Love Jennifer jacket out of my old I Love Jenn jacket. Two girls one continuous love. The I Love Jennifer is a little off-center but then so am I. Better than being self-centered as my clone would probably say.