I want him to see the flowers in my eyes and hear the songs in my hands.

The fight unfolded like background noise. White noise. In the foreground even with his ghastly pale face looking dead in my hands my fingers clenching his ragged hair all I could see was random images of Fang not dead.Fang telling me stupid fart jokes from the dog crate next to mine at the school trying to make me laugh.Fang asleep at Jebs old house and me jumping wildly on his bed to wake him up. Him pretending to be asleep. Me laughing when I accidentally kicked him where it counts. Him dumping me off the bed.Fang gagging on my first attempt at cooking dinner after Jeb disappeared. Him spitting out the mac and cheese. Me dumping the rest of the bowl on him in response.Fang on the beach that first time he was badly injured. Me realizing how I felt about him.Fang kissing me. So close I couldnt even see his dark eyes anymore. The first time. The second time. The third.I could always remember each and every one of them. Would always remember them.Fang.Not.Dead.

Love is scary it changes it can go away. Thats the part of the risk. I dont want to be scared anymore.

You cant fool people into loving you.

Long distance is hard. You have to trust that as you each change on your own your relationship will also change along with you. It takes hope good humor and idealism. It takes a massive dose of courage to protect the relationship at all odds. It is hard but worth it. Youll both be stronger as a result.

We are the ones who take this thing called music and line it up with this thing called time. We are the ticking we are the pulsing we are underneath every part of this moment. And by making the moment our own we are rendering it timeless. There is no audience. There are no instruments. There are only bodies and thoughts and murmurs and looks. Its the concert rush to end all concert rushes because this is what matters. When the heart races this is what its racing towards.

And I still love you in my own fucked-up way. I miss you I really do. Can we still be friends

There will be no more British guys. Unless they are members of the royal family of course.

Leave the cage open. If you love someone give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you.

The suns gone dim and the moons gone black. For I loved him and he didnt love back.