I really believe that there is an invisible red thread tied between him and me and that it has stretched and tangled for years across oceans and lifetimes. I know that it wont break because our souls are tied.

I could watch him do this until morning never asking questions and never interrupting his work. I worship quietly his intense focus and attention to detail and then out of no where I realize the inconvenient inappropriate truth I love this man and it has swallowed me.

If ever I was running it was towards you.

I love him in ways that I cant explain to other people. They dont understand its not their fault.

Please Whoever you are whatever you are I believe in you even though I dont completely understand you. I feel you around me even though I cant exactly describe what Im feeling. Sometimes things happen to me and I know that youre there and Im humbled by the lack of coincidence that exists in the world. Whatever you want from me its yours just please help me. You know how I get when I lose control and I find myself constantly being pulled back there these days.

Stop trying to be less of who you are. Let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back.

Ive always seen this in you ever since you were a little girl this hunger to love other people into their highest selves and its what has made me irreversibly and just so forever in love with you.

Dont worry if people think youre crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who theyre destined to be.

Even if she be not harmed her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors and hereafter she may suffer--both in waking from her nerves and in sleep from her dreams.

I look out into the water and up deep into the stars. I beg the sparkling lanterns of light to cure me of myself my past and the kaleidoscope of mistakes failures and wrong turns that have stacked unbearable regret upon my shoulders.