And Ive fallen.So hard.Ive hit the ground. Gone right through it. Never in my life have I felt this. Nothing like this. Ive felt shame and cowardice weakness and strength. Ive known terror and indifference self-hate and general disgust. Ive seen things that cannot be unseen.And yet Ive known nothing like this terrible horrible paralyzing feeling. I feel crippled. Desperate and out of control. And it keeps getting worse. Every day I feel sick. Empty and somehow aching.Love is a heartless bastard.

I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. I want to be that kind of friend. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve every freckle every shiver of your body. I want to know where to touch you I want to know how to touch you. I want to know convince you to design a smile just for me. Yes I do want to be your friend. I want to be your best friend in the entire world.

Im oxygen and hes dying to breathe.

All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.