And sometimes I believe your relentless analysis of June leaves something out which is your feeling for her beyond knowledge or in spite of knowledge. I often see how you sob over what you destroy how you want to stop and just worship and you do stop and then a moment later you are at it again with a knife like a surgeon.What will you do after you have revealed all there is to know about June Truth. What ferocity in your quest of it. You destroy and you suffer. In some strange way I am not with you I am against you. We are destined to hold two truths. I love you and I fight you. And you the same. We will be stronger for it each of us stronger with our love and our hate. When you caricature and nail down and tear apart I hate you. I want to answer you not with weak or stupid poetry but with a wonder as strong as your reality. I want to fight your surgical knife with all the occult and magical forces of the world.

Everything with me is either worship and passion or pity and understanding. I hate rarely though when I hate I hate murderously. For example now I hate the bank and everything connected with it. I also hate Dutch paintings penis-sucking parties and cold rainy weather. But I am much more preoccupied with loving.

Last night I wept. I wept because the process by which I have become woman was painful. I wept because I was no longer a child with a childs blind faith. I wept because my eyes were opened to reality....I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe. I can still love passionately without believing. That means I love humanly. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence.