I understand addiction now. I never did before you know. How could a man or a woman do something so self-destructive knowing that theyre hurting not only themselves but the people they love It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that next drink. Just stop. Its so simple really. But as so often happens with me my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter.I see it now though.Every day I tell myself it will be the last. Every night as Im falling asleep in his bed I tell myself that tomorrow Ill book a flight to Paris or Hawaii or maybe New York. It doesnt matter where I go as long as its not here. I need to get away from Phoenixaway from himbefore this goes even one step further.And then he touches me again and my convictions disappear like smoke in the wind.This cannot end well. Thats the crux of the matter Sweets. Ive been down this road beforeyou know I haveand theres only heartache at the end. Theres no happy ending waiting for me like there was for you and Matt. If I stay here with him I will become restless and angry. Its happening already and I cannot stop it. Im becoming bitter and terribly resentful. Before long I will be intolerable and eventually hell leave me. But if I do what I have to do what my very nature compels me to do and move on the end is no better. One way or another hell be gone. Is it not wiser to end it now Sweets before it gets to that point Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destructTomorrow I will leave. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable. Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself and to him. Tomorrow.What about today you ask Today its already too late. Hell be home soon and I have dinner on the stove and wine chilling in the fridge. And he will smile at me when he comes through the door and I will pretend like this fragile dangerous thing we have created between us can last forever.Just one last time Sweets. Just one last fix. Thats all I need.And that is why I now understand addiction.