You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.
In desperate love we always invent the characters of our partners demanding they be what we need of them and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.
This is what we call love. When you are loved you can do anything in creation. When you are loved theres no need at all to understand whats happening because everything happens within you.