He did not care if she was heartless vicious and vulgar stupid and grasping he loved her. He would rather have misery with one than happiness with the other.

I have a dream my life would be. So different from this hell Im living. So different now from what it seem. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.Fantine

His so-fucking-vivid imagination rarely gave him the horrors but when it did God help him. God help him once it was warmed up. It was not only warmed up now it was hot and running on full choke. That there was no sense at all in what he was thinking made not a whit of difference in the dark. In the dark rationality seemed stupid and logic a dream. In the dark he thought with his skin.