You will be the first test subject Tobias. Beatrice however.... She smiles. You are too injured to be of much use to me so your execution will occur at the conclusion of this meeting.I try to hide the shudder that goes through me at the word execution my shoulder screaming with pain and look up at Tobias. Its hard to blink tears back when I see the terror in Tobiass wide dark eyes.No says Tobias. His voice trembles but his look stern as he shakes his head. I would rather die.Im afraid you dont have much of a choice in that matter replies Jeanine lightly.Tobias takes my face in this hands roughly and kisses me the pressure of his lips pushing mine apart. I forget my pain and the terror of approaching death and for a moment I am grateful that the memory of that kiss will be fresh in my mind as I meet my end.

And everyone saw me. Tobias saw me.I hear footsteps. Tobias marches toward me and wrenches me to my feet.What the hell was that StiffI... My breath comes in a hiccup. I didnt-Get yourself together This is pathetic.Something within me snaps. My tears stop. Heat races through my body driving the weakness out of me and I smack him so hard my knuckles burn with the impact. He stares at me one side of his face bright with blush-blood and I stare back.Shut up I say. I yank my arm from his grasp and walk out of the room.

Scrubbing the floor when no one else wanted to was something that my mother would have done. If I cant be with her the least I can do is act like her sometimes.

Eric called Als suicide brave and he was wrong. My mothers death was brave. I remember how calm she was how determined. It isnt just brave that she died for me it is brave that she did it without announcing it without hesitation and without appearing to consider another option.

Ill be your family now he says. I love you I say. ....He stares at me. I wait with my hands clutching his arms for stability as he considers his response. He frowns at me. Say it again.Tobias I say I love you.

I regret... Tobias tilts his head and sighs. I regret my choice.What ChoiceDauntless he says. I was born Abnegation. I was planning on leaving Dauntless and becoming factionless. But I met her and... I felt like maybe I could make something more of my decision.Her.

I love you I say.I love you too he says. Ill see you soon.

I think youre still the only person sharp enough to sharpen someone like me.

Wait a second Four says. I turn toward him wondering which version of Four Ill see now-the one who scolds me or the one who climbs Ferris wheels with me. He smiles a little but the smile doesnt spread to his eyes which look less tense and worried.You belong here you know that he says. You belong with us. Itll be over soon so just hold on okayHe scratches behind his ear and looks away like hes embarrassed by what he said. I stare at him. I feel my heartbeat everywhere even in my toes. I feel like doing something bold but I could just as easily walk away. I am not sure which option is smarter or better. I am not sure that I care.I reach out and take his hand. His fingers slide between mine. I cant breathe. I stare up at him and he stares down at me. For a long moment we stay that way. Then I pull my hand away and run after Uriah and Lynn and Marlene. Maybe now he thinks Im stupid or strange. Maybe it was worth it.

But when I do feel all the strength go out of me and I fall to my knees beside the table and I think I cry then or at least I want to and everything inside me screams for just one more kiss one more word one more glance one more.