Someone once wrote that a novel should deliver a series of small astonishments. I get the same thing spending an hour with you.

Stronger than lovers love is lovers hate. Incurable in each the wounds they make.

The fight unfolded like background noise. White noise. In the foreground even with his ghastly pale face looking dead in my hands my fingers clenching his ragged hair all I could see was random images of Fang not dead.Fang telling me stupid fart jokes from the dog crate next to mine at the school trying to make me laugh.Fang asleep at Jebs old house and me jumping wildly on his bed to wake him up. Him pretending to be asleep. Me laughing when I accidentally kicked him where it counts. Him dumping me off the bed.Fang gagging on my first attempt at cooking dinner after Jeb disappeared. Him spitting out the mac and cheese. Me dumping the rest of the bowl on him in response.Fang on the beach that first time he was badly injured. Me realizing how I felt about him.Fang kissing me. So close I couldnt even see his dark eyes anymore. The first time. The second time. The third.I could always remember each and every one of them. Would always remember them.Fang.Not.Dead.

Accidents ambush the unsuspecting often violently just like love.

You cant fool people into loving you.

You can never be wise and be in love at the same time.

You didnt think Id let you go alone did youNo but Im grateful that I had you with me.Grateful is all Im going to get isnt itWhat else were you hoping forAdoration devotion affection infatuation or just plain finding me irresistible.Sorry Don Juan. Youll have to live with my undying gratitude.

He came up and kissed me on my forehead and before he stepped away I closed my eyes and tried hard to memorize this moment. I wanted to remember him exactly as he was right then how his arms looked brown against his white shirt the way his hair was cut a little too short in the front. Even the bruise there because of me.Then he was gone.Just for that moment the thought that I might never see him again it felt worse than death. I wanted torun after him. Tell him anything everything. Just dont go. Please just never go. Please just always be near me so I can at least see you.Because it felt final. I always believed that we would find our way back to each other every time. That no matter what we would be connectedby our history by this house. But this time this last time it felt final. Like I would never see him again or that when I did it would be different there would be a mountain between us.I knew it in my bones. That this time was it. I had finally made my choice and so had he. He let me go. I was relieved which I expected. What I didnt expect was to feel so much grief.Bye bye Birdie.

You have the power to tear me to pieces to wound me so deep and true that Ill never recover. What Rissas death did to the boy I was You have the ability to do a thousand times worse to the man Ive become.

You know when it works love is amazing. Its not overrated.