You are angry at the God you were taught to believe in as a child. The God who is supposed to watch over you and protect you who answers your prayers and forgives your sins. This God is just a story. Religions try to capture God but God is beyond religion. The true God lies beyond our comprehension. We cant understand His will He cant be explained in a book. He didnt abandon us and He will not save us. He has nothing to do with our being here. God does not change. He simply is. I dont pray to God for forgiveness or favors I only pray to be closer to Him and when I pray I fill my heart with love. When I pray this way I know that God is love. When I feel that love I remember that we dont need angels or a heaven because we are a part of God already.