I knew in that moment I would never love anyone in my life the way I loved Evan Mathews.

With my last breath Ill exhale my love for you. I hope its a cold day so you can see what you meant to me.

Oh no. Dont smile. Youll kill me. I stop breathing when you smile.

Prayer is as natural an expression of faith as breathing is to life.

I breathe in the soft saturated exhalations of cedar trees and salmonberry bushes fireweed and wood fern marsh hawks and meadow voles marten and harbor seal and blacktail deer. I breathe in the same particles of air that made songs in the throats of hermit thrushes and gave voices to humpback whales the same particles of air that lifted the wings of bald eagles and buzzed in the flight of hummingbirds the same particles of air that rushed over the sea in storms whirled in high mountain snows whistled across the poles and whispered through lush equatorial gardensair that has passed continually through life on earth. I breathe it in pass it on share it in equal measure with billions of other living things endlessly infinitely.

... and it was quite a sad thingthe way I watched you sleep like nothing could go wrong and I did not want to harm it I did not want to blur it but how could I notwhen everything Ive ever known has slowly gone awayand I know by now that thats the way you let the new day in with new roads and views and chances to growbut it was quite a sad thing because I dont want this to ever become then or was and it was quite an unfamiliar thing. The way I took off my shoes again put down my bag and quietly went back to bed slowly between the sheets of moments I dont want to leaveand it was quite a beautiful thing the way you had no idea but still must have known because you did not even open your eyes but turned around and took my hand and you were still asleep breathing in and out like nothing could go wrong but still held my hand like you were glad I didnt leave. Thank you for stayingand it was quite a wonderful thing the way I smiled and so did you sound asleep and thats all I need to know for now. Thats all I want to know for now.