And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you but they also give you everything.

I understand addiction now. I never did before you know. How could a man or a woman do something so self-destructive knowing that theyre hurting not only themselves but the people they love It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that next drink. Just stop. Its so simple really. But as so often happens with me my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter.I see it now though.Every day I tell myself it will be the last. Every night as Im falling asleep in his bed I tell myself that tomorrow Ill book a flight to Paris or Hawaii or maybe New York. It doesnt matter where I go as long as its not here. I need to get away from Phoenixaway from himbefore this goes even one step further.And then he touches me again and my convictions disappear like smoke in the wind.This cannot end well. Thats the crux of the matter Sweets. Ive been down this road beforeyou know I haveand theres only heartache at the end. Theres no happy ending waiting for me like there was for you and Matt. If I stay here with him I will become restless and angry. Its happening already and I cannot stop it. Im becoming bitter and terribly resentful. Before long I will be intolerable and eventually hell leave me. But if I do what I have to do what my very nature compels me to do and move on the end is no better. One way or another hell be gone. Is it not wiser to end it now Sweets before it gets to that point Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destructTomorrow I will leave. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable. Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself and to him. Tomorrow.What about today you ask Today its already too late. Hell be home soon and I have dinner on the stove and wine chilling in the fridge. And he will smile at me when he comes through the door and I will pretend like this fragile dangerous thing we have created between us can last forever.Just one last time Sweets. Just one last fix. Thats all I need.And that is why I now understand addiction.

My girlfriend is sad and quiet and keeps me up all night worrying about her.

Poor fellow I think he is in love with you.I am not aware of it. And to me it is one of the most odious things in a girls life that there must always be some supposition of falling in love coming between her and any man who is kind to her... I have no ground for the nonsensical vanity of fancying everybody who comes near me is in love with me.

The right thing at the wrong tme is the wrong thing.

I love the Lord for he heard my voice he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me I will call on him as long as I live. Psalms 1161-2 NIV

Not that she didnt love almost every boy shed ever met and not that every boy in the world didnt totally love her. It was impossible not to. But she wanted someone to love her and shower her with attention the way only a boy who was completely in love with her could. The rare sort of love. True love. The kind of love shed never had.

He was too perfect despite being one of the most imperfect people I knew.

Maybe you could be mine or maybe well be entwined aimless in this sexless foreplay.

twice I have lived forever in a smile