And Ive fallen.So hard.Ive hit the ground. Gone right through it. Never in my life have I felt this. Nothing like this. Ive felt shame and cowardice weakness and strength. Ive known terror and indifference self-hate and general disgust. Ive seen things that cannot be unseen.And yet Ive known nothing like this terrible horrible paralyzing feeling. I feel crippled. Desperate and out of control. And it keeps getting worse. Every day I feel sick. Empty and somehow aching.Love is a heartless bastard.

Things that matter are not easy. Feelings of happiness are easy. Happiness is not. Flirting is easy. Love is not. Saying youre friends is easy. Being friends is not.

Living with him is like being told a perpetual story his mind is the biggest most imaginative I have ever met. I could live in its growing countries forever.

I want you any way I can get you. Not because youre beautiful or clever or kind or adorable although devil knows youre all those things. I want you because theres no one else like you and I dont ever want to start a day without seeing you.

Dont worry about hurting me if thats what youre afraid of. I want to get hurt. At least Ill feel something for a change.

misgivings n.Last night I got up the courage to ask you if you regretted us. There are things I miss you said. But if I didnt have you Id miss more.

That which God said to the rose and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty He said to my heart and made it a hundred times more beautiful.

He knew one of the women well and had shared his universe with her. They had seen the same mountains and the same trees although each of them had seem them differently. She knew his weaknesses his moments of hatred of despair. Yet she was there at his side. They shared the same universe.

I go to sleep alone and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until Im tired. I watch the wind play with the trash thats been under the snow all winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by abscence

Last night I wept. I wept because the process by which I have become woman was painful. I wept because I was no longer a child with a childs blind faith. I wept because my eyes were opened to reality....I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe. I can still love passionately without believing. That means I love humanly. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence.