I had a dream about you last night. The best day of my life was when I taught you how to juggle but the best day of yours was when you taught someone else.

I had a dream about you. You were crying and I couldnt tell if it was because you were sad or because youd been laughing too hard. So I decided to find out by telling you that Id just heard from the cops and your mother had been murdered. Before I got to the punch line you started sobbing in a different manner so I realized youd been laughing earlier. By that time the mood had changed and I decided it best not to deliver the punch line after all. So I sat down next to you and put my arm around you and tried to console you for your perceived loss.

What would an ocean be without a monster lurking in the dark? It would be sleep without dreams.

I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet but instead of eating food we were forced to eat our words. You were eating words like Winner Victory and Triumphant while I was eating words like Macaroni Pizza and Meatloaf.

I had a dream about you. You took control of my body and forced me to have sex with you. Then you called the cops and the police said I raped youbut I was the one who was raped. If I had known you were that kind of person Id have never voted you into political office in the first place.

I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money kidnapped your parents and mailed you mannequin parts spray-painted red in a series of packages that also included ransom notes. Then towards the end of the dream the cops surrounded my cave and swarmed in to arrest me. Sweating my eyes shot open and I realized it was a dream. Of course its a dream I thought. The cops have no idea where my cave is and your first package has yet to be delivered.

Of all the things a man may do sleep probably contributes most to keeping him sane. It puts brackets about each day. If you do something foolish or painful today you get irritated if somebody mentions it today. If it happened yesterday though you can nod or chuckle as the case may be. Youve crossed through nothingness or dream to another island in Time.

I had a dream about you. We installed Dr. Robert Jarviks artificial heart in a mannequin and brought it to life only to later kill it because a creature thats all fake heart and no brain is whats commonly called a politician and must be destroyed.

All I want is to sleep--to dream. Life is better in dreams.

I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets but you wouldnt talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale and I was arrested for theft I took away your dignity as a mannequin.