I had a dream about you. I was a consumer and you were a consumed. My grocery list had 10 items on it. Items 1-9 were cat food and the 10th item was condoms. But not for sexthey were to store my leftovers as Tupperware had been decreed illegal by the king.

My alarm went off. My sleep went on. Dreaming about coffee is not the same as drinking down coffee.

I had a dream about you. You were a meow in a vacuum and I was a bark on carpet. I told your parents Id have you home by ten but that was a lie because you were homeless.

I had a dream about you. We were both flying through the sky like we had wings of cement. We had all the aerodynamics of a brick but what propelled us was our love for each other.

I had a dream about you. You were a street vendor selling sidewalks and I was a roadside bicycle salesman selling two-wheeled dreams to pedestrians. You thought I was hurting your business and I thought you were a midget. Turns out we were both right.

Trying to remember a dream from a decade ago is like trying to catch fog in a coffee filter. I could subsist on morning mist.

I had a dream about you. We were going to change the world. But instead you changed your clothes and changed your mind about going to the bar so I ended up crying on your sofa until my unicorn arrived to take me home.

I had a dream about you. You fell into my arms like a 120-pound sack of gold coins. So I did what any respectable lover would doI buried you in the backyard so nobody could steal you away from me.

I had a dream about you. You were a dolphin in a fur coat and I was your shrink telling you that you were experiencing feelings of mammal inadequacies. You thought instead of paying me your money would be better spent on sex and I agreed. So I sold you a box of condoms and dead fish.

I had a dream about you. The stars in the constellations lined up the portals between the heavens were opened and you were looking for a blood sacrifice to make the trip. And I was there ready to sell you a box of used tampons.