I had a dream about you. I should have waited until you were finished eating to tell you I love you because you vomited all over my tablecloth. But thats OK because it was multi-colored and brown and green.

I had a dream about you. You were a her named Penny but you were even more worthless than a cent. And I was a businessman who owned coin-operated used bubblegum dispensers.

I had a dream about you. My brain was plugged directly into the internet and people in Russia were streaming my dreams. Edward Snowden was there and he was eating popcorn that Id mailed him.

I had a dream about you. I think we made love but I cant be certain because the scenes were censored by the Moral Authorities. The thing that pisses me off is my grocery list was identical to the Blacklist so I was starving throughout the sequence.

I had a dream about you. I had a flat tire on the interstate which is really embarrassing for a hitchhiker who is using that tire as a substitute for pants. You were the only person who offered to give me a ride and I am grateful even though you pulled over at first because you thought I was a hooker.

I had a dream about you. We were almost omniscient seeing all the problems in this world. We noticed the scratch on my bumper the ding in my passenger-side door and the bloodstains in the trunk of my car. But we didnt notice the biggest problem of allour kidnap victims family had no moneyand no interest in getting him back.

I had a dream about you. I had an erection the size of your nose though I could breathe through mine while yours was congested. The air smelled like pee to me.

I had a dream about you. You looked like Hulk Hogans nose and your legs looked like his mustache. I admired them and wondered how many squats you could do. Your mustache could probably run a marathon while my mustache looks like a ghost.

I had a dream about you. You owned a taco stand and I looked like a pile of meat cheese lettuce sour cream and hot sauce. I resented you and you wanted to enslave me.

I had a dream about you. You wrapped the American flag around you like a towel while I let Russia shower me with praise. The people over there really seemed to love me probably because they are over there and I am not.