The police seemed to think I killed her which is crazy because I loved her like a thousand drops of blood dripping down a dagger.

Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums and parks and monuments and kiss you in every beautiful place so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth.I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand why storms are named after people.

Stop fighting me he said trying to pull on the arm he held.He was in a precarious position himself straddling the rail as he tried to lean over far enough to get me and actually hold onto me.Let go of me I yelled back.But he was too strong and managed to haul most of me over the rail enough so that I wasnt in total danger of falling again.See heres the thing. In that moment before I let go I really had been contemplating my death. Id come to terms with it and accepted it. I also however had known Dimitri might do something exactly like this. He was just that fast and that good. That was why I was holding my stake in the hand that was dangling free.I looked him in the eye. I will always love you.Then I plunged the stake into his chest.It wasnt as precise a blow as I would have liked not with the skilled way he was dodging. I struggled to get the stake in deep enough to his heart unsure if I could do it from this angle. Then his struggles stopped. His eyes stared at me stunned and his lips parted almost into a smile albeit a grisly and pained one.Thats what I was supposed to say. . . he gasped out.Those were his last words.

Dreams and Happiness are...drugs. And the pain that follows is not less than a sharp knife...or a sharp-nail. It bleeds without blood. You just feel it. With every sense you have got on every single inch of earth in every tiny part of the minute you live. It compels you to feed...yourself...

It felt as if she were bleeding - but it wasnt blood that leaked out of her not something that could be easily transfused. Instead she was losing her dreams.

When reading the history of the Jewish people of their flight from slavery to death of their exchange of tyrants I must confess that my sympathies are all aroused in their behalf. They were cheated deceived and abused. Their god was quick-tempered unreasonable cruel revengeful and dishonest. He was always promising but never performed. He wasted time in ceremony and childish detail and in the exaggeration of what he had done. It is impossible for me to conceive of a character more utterly detestable than that of the Hebrew god. He had solemnly promised the Jews that he would take them from Egypt to a land flowing with milk and honey. He had led them to believe that in a little while their troubles would be over and that they would soon in the land of Canaan surrounded by their wives and little ones forget the stripes and tears of Egypt. After promising the poor wanderers again and again that he would lead them in safety to the promised land of joy and plenty this God forgetting every promise said to the wretches in his powerYour carcasses shall fall in this wilderness and your children shall wander until your carcasses be wasted. This curse was the conclusion of the whole matter. Into this dust of death and night faded all the promises of God. Into this rottenness of wandering despair fell all the dreams of liberty and home. Millions of corpses were left to rot in the desert and each one certified to the dishonesty of Jehovah. I cannot believe these things. They are so cruel and heartless that my blood is chilled and my sense of justice shocked. A book that is equally abhorrent to my head and heart cannot be accepted as a revelation from God.When we think of the poor Jews destroyed murdered bitten by serpents visited by plagues decimated by famine butchered by each other swallowed by the earth frightened cursed starved deceived robbed and outraged how thankful we should be that we are not the chosen people of God. No wonder that they longed for the slavery of Egypt and remembered with sorrow the unhappy day when they exchanged masters. Compared with Jehovah Pharaoh was a benefactor and the tyranny of Egypt was freedom to those who suffered the liberty of God.While reading the Pentateuch I am filled with indignation pity and horror. Nothing can be sadder than the history of the starved and frightened wretches who wandered over the desolate crags and sands of wilderness and desert the prey of famine sword and plague. Ignorant and superstitious to the last degree governed by falsehood plundered by hypocrisy they were the sport of priests and the food of fear. God was their greatest enemy and death their only friend.It is impossible to conceive of a more thoroughly despicable hateful and arrogant being than the Jewish god. He is without a redeeming feature. In the mythology of the world he has no parallel. He only is never touched by agony and tears. He delights only in blood and pain. Human affections are naught to him. He cares neither for love nor music beauty nor joy. A false friend an unjust judge a braggart hypocrite and tyrant sincere in hatred jealous vain and revengeful false in promise honest in curse suspicious ignorant and changeable infamous and hideoussuch is the God of the Pentateuch.

I had a dream about you. We were almost omniscient seeing all the problems in this world. We noticed the scratch on my bumper the ding in my passenger-side door and the bloodstains in the trunk of my car. But we didnt notice the biggest problem of allour kidnap victims family had no moneyand no interest in getting him back.

The sun leaves me to silenceBefore my eyes adjustMy ears are tuned for violenceMy jaw begins to rustHis words wrap all about meAnd heavy as they seemThey do not feel as filthyAs leaving them in dreams

Theres folly in her stridethats the rumorjustified by liesIve seen her up closebeneath the sheetsand sometime during the summershe was mine for a few sweet months in the falland parts of December To get to the heart of this unsolvable equation one must first become familiar with the physical emotional and immaterial makeup as to what constitutes both war and peace. I found her looking through a windowthe same window Id been looking throughShe smiled and her eyes never falteredthis folly was a crime The very essence of war is destructive though throughout the years utilized as a means of creating peace such an equation might seem paradoxical to the untrained eye. Some might say using evil to defeat evil is counterproductive and gives more meaning to the word futile. Others like Edmund Burke would argue that the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men and women to do nothing. She had an identity I could identify withsomething my fingertips could caress in the night There is such a limitless landscape within the mind no two minds are alike. And this is why as a race we will forever be at war with each other.What constitutes peace is in the mind of the beholder. Have you heard the argumentThis displacement of men and womenand women and menthe minds we all havethe beliefs we all shareSlipping inside of usthoughts and religions and bodiesall bare Without darkness there can be no lighthe once said. To demonstrate this theory during one of his seminars he held a piece of white chalk and drew a line down the center of a blackboard. Explaining that without the blackness of the board the white line would be invisible. When she leftshe kissed with eyes openI knew this because Id done the sameSometimes we saw eye to eye like thatVery brieflyshe considered an apotheosisa synthesisa rendering of her follyinto solidarity To believe that a world-wide lay down of arms is possible however is the delusion of the pacifist the dream of the optimist and the joke of the realist. Diplomacy only goes so far and in spite of our efforts to fight with words- there are times when drawing swords of a very different nature are surely called for. Experiencing the subsequent sunriseinhaling and drinkingbreaking mirrors and regurgitatingjust to start againall in allI was just another gash in the bark Plato once saidOnly the dead have seen the end of war. Perhaps the death of us all is called for in this time of emotional desperation. War is a product of the mind only with the death of such will come the end of the bloodshed. Though this may be a fairly realistic view of such an issue perhaps there is an optimistic outlook on the horizon. Not every sword is double edged but every coin is double sided. Leaving town and throwing shit out the windowdrinking boroughs and borrowing spare changeI glimpsed the rear view mirrorstole a glimpse reallyIve believed in looking back for a whileit helps to have one last viewa reminder in case one ever decides to rebelin the event the self regressesand makes the declaration of devastationonce more Thus if we wish to eliminate the threat of war today- complete human annihilation may be called for.