I had a dream about you. You introduced me to a clock and Im right handed so I didnt know which clock hand to shake the hour or the minute. So I chose instead to go in for a hug. Big mistake. Time does not like to be embraced by a mere mortal.

I had a dream about you. We were two lovers disguised as librarians. We met in the non-fiction section and thats the truth. Or at least thats what we told your parents. They didnt need to know where we really metin the smut section the corner with all the political biographies.

I had a dream about you. You were crying and your tears were so salty I decided to collect your sadness to sprinkle on potato chips. I thought we could start a business. I would make potato chips I would make you sad and you would cry onto the chips and season them for consumption. I thought a good name for the chips was the reason you always cry and that is how Love Chips came into existence.

I had a dream about you. You sold canned laughter and I sold fresh laughter straight out of my throat. You sold more of it but nobody really liked your product. Plus the people who bought your cans werent the kind of people to recycle so most definitely Mother Earth did not find you funny.

I had a dream about you. You were in the oil business and I sold icy roads for a living. You didnt understand whod buy such a thing and I said you didnt understand how earmarks get slipped in Congressional bills.

I had a dream about you. You were sitting in a dentists chair and I was cleaning your teeth. You wondered if I was a dentist and I wondered why more people didnt brush their teeth with Windex. I did a rush job with you because I still had sixty floors of windows to wash before I could get back home to my woman and the man she was living with.

I had a dream about you. You were using a shovel as it was intended to be used and I asked you what you were doing. You replied Digging a six-foot hole. I said Ah are you digging a grave for our love And you replied No Im digging a grave for you. It was at this point that I unsheathed Chuck Norris right arm and sliced you with a karate chop.

I had a dream about you. Youd never been in an elevator before and Id never been in love. I said I could help you and you said you could help me. I got excited because you were so beautiful but I was quickly let down when you introduced me to your friend who looked like a horse and sang like Miley Cyrus.

I had a dream about you. Knowing that women like to buy two things above all else shoes and purses I combined the two into one product that looked like Margaret Thatchers dress on your feet. You asked if my shoes made your ass look fat and I replied If I have to tell you it is it isnt.

I had a dream about you. You wanted to go for a walk and I wanted to start a parade. I suggested we team up but you said youd rather have sex with a cactus. I was taken aback but then I offered to introduce you to a Congressman because I think he could really benefit from your kind of loving.