Not only do I not know what I believe but also I cannot know for sure that I believe. How can I define precisely what my attitude is toward something it cannot conceivably grasp Can I be said to be in the relation of belief in any usual sense of that term toward something that I cheerfully and readily acknowledge to be absolutely incomprehensible to me... No man can be sure that he is in faith and we can say of no man with certainty that he has or does not have faith. ...Not only does faith always carry its opposite uncertainty within itself but also this faith is never a static condition that is -had- but a movement toward... And toward what In the nature of the case we cannot state this what. We cannot make a flat assertion about our faith like a simple assertion that we have blue eyes or are six feet tall. More than this the affirmation of our faith can never be made in the simple indicative mood at all. The statement I believe can only be uttered as a prayer.

Lets face it suffering discredits goodness. Im agnostic in practice though faith-based in theory. I used to pray but now know hell do what he darn well pleases when he darn well pleases. Will he listen Maybe. We have a book that says so but how much happens beyond that book I cant say. Thats agnosticism in its bleakest and most honest form. Dont judge me yet believe me when I tell you that years of abuse tend to wring out every ounce of ones ability to understand and adhere to faith in standard form.

I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.