You know all that sympathy that you feel for an abused child who suffers without a good mom or dad to love and care for them Well they dont stay children forever. No one magically becomes an adult the day they turn eighteen. Some people grow up sooner many grow up later. Some never really do. But just remember that some people in this world are older versions of those same kids we cry for.

But even when I stop crying even when we fall asleep and Im nestled in his arms this will leave another scar. No one will see it. No one will know. But it will be there. And eventually all of the scars will have scars and thats all Ill be--one big scar of a love gone wrong.

Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved the mother was not true to her bond of love then how can they trust that their partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act out again and again to test their partners love. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mothers love because he is not worthy as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. This testing does not heal the wound of the past it merely reenacts it for ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship thus reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful in being dominant.

Lets face it suffering discredits goodness. Im agnostic in practice though faith-based in theory. I used to pray but now know hell do what he darn well pleases when he darn well pleases. Will he listen Maybe. We have a book that says so but how much happens beyond that book I cant say. Thats agnosticism in its bleakest and most honest form. Dont judge me yet believe me when I tell you that years of abuse tend to wring out every ounce of ones ability to understand and adhere to faith in standard form.

Have you ever felt as if your dreams were more memorable more alive than what you knew to be reality Have your dreams ever seemed so tangible as to make you question upon waking if youd truly only dreamt them Have they at times been addictive enough to consume your waking hours blurring actuality and pretend together until your wishes and passions stare back at you with open eyesIf only dreams could be reality that beautiful garden of sweet-smelling roses we all long for. But reality for me is no such bed of roses. It is nothing but a field of unwanted dandelions.- From the thoughts of Annabelle Fancher

A leader without a clear vision and plans only abuses his power because visions dreams and plans are the fulcrum along which the loads of success will spine by your own efforts. And where power is abused there is manipulation instead of inspiration.

It was never the poverty that deterred me never the disease unsanitary conditions bugs or garbage those things were never even a thought in my head as a reason for not staying. I kept looking for the good and always found it each day. I was happy on the reservation.It would have all worked out if Chief could have been a little nicer to me. The only thing I was missing was love and respect from my partner. Maybe he had changed.