I had a dream about you. We made love the way mayonnaise sits in the fridge for months unnoticed. I prefer my hamburger with cheese.

I collect kitchens one empty coffee cup at a time. I wish they made dishwashers that cleaned with dreams not laundry detergent.

I had a dream about you. The sky looked threatening and hail the size shape and color of boxing gloves started pounding us in the face. Luckily my mustache looked like Chuck Norris and you were able to take shelter under my nose.

I had a dream about you. I was a giraffe and you were a stripper using my neck as a pole. We made a great team sort of like the 1987 Cincinnati Reds minus the Pete Rose cheating scandal. Well baseball called it cheating but I call it enterprising.

I had a dream about you. My pee was cloudy and I brought an umbrella to the urinal. You were the Coach of the Mens Room and you were giving me advice on how to be a better weatherman. But I didnt listen because I was the arrogant five-time MVP.

I had a dream about you. You were a hummingbird feeder and you made my heart flutter as fast as hummingbird wings. When you dried up I didnt know what else to do but eat a bucket of fried chicken and watch people in a factory going nowhere in life make elevator buttons for people going places.

I had a dream about you. We made love like two albinos in the snow. Even though I could see everything I couldnt see anything.

I had a dream about you. I was a shoe salesman and you had no feet. I needed to make a sale or Id be fired and you needed reliable transportation. I suggested you buy shoes from me and for me and in return Id give you a piggyback ride. In the end you bought a new purse and I ended up punching my boss in his face.

I had a dream about you. You whispered in my ear and I couldnt quite hear what you said because Beethoven was being deaf too loud in the corner of the room. I thought you said you loved me but its also possible you said it sounds like a racehorse galloping when I pee.

I had a dream about you. I was a consumer and you were a consumed. My grocery list had 10 items on it. Items 1-9 were cat food and the 10th item was condoms. But not for sexthey were to store my leftovers as Tupperware had been decreed illegal by the king.