Its just a dream I told myself. I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.

In my dream I was a seal and I made love to a seagull. Then I got eaten by a shark because thats just the way life is. Some fish gets jealous over a bird and decides to chomp down on his competition. It happens all the time in the real world.

I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving and I was securely fastened by ropes and duct tape in the trunk. I tried telling you my family has no money but you had to find out the hard way.

I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet but instead of eating food we were forced to eat our words. You were eating words like Winner Victory and Triumphant while I was eating words like Macaroni Pizza and Meatloaf.

I had a dream about you. You took control of my body and forced me to have sex with you. Then you called the cops and the police said I raped youbut I was the one who was raped. If I had known you were that kind of person Id have never voted you into political office in the first place.

I had a dream about you last night. We started a shoe company and a competitor probably someone from Nike attacked you so I had to stab them in the throat with a shoelace. I guess it would have been better to use that shoelace to strangle them.

I could be the man of your dreams. I could also be the alarm clock stealing you away from the man of your dreams.

I dont collect awards I collect empty trophy cases. Once my collection is large enough Im going to start collecting broken dreams.

I had a dream about you. We were fishing in the Utah desert. You caught a dinosaur but due to Federal regulations we had to release the bones so Ted Kennedy could drive back to the cemetery drunk.