I had a dream about you. Again. In fact Ive had so many dreams about you that I can almost feel your skin under my fingertips and your breath every time we kiss. This time when you pulled me closer even though I couldnt see you I knew it was you. Ive heard your footsteps and recognized them instantly. Id recognize them anywhere among many others. The way I yearn for you you are always expected. And now I expect you to do just that. Kiss me. This time I am asking for it because I need to make sure I am awake.

I had a dream about you. Its been a while since I could remember any of my dreams and still this one has left me with such strong impression. Even now when I am fully awake your face flashes before my eyes. Its a face I can totally relate to as if it wasnt any more yours than it is mine. Terrifying thing you know I cant say Ive felt that sort of intimacy with anyone. For a moment you knew all my secrets without me even having to tell them. For a moment I even knew them myselfWhile I was looking into your eyes I suddenly started to realize things about myself that were unspoken for years like fragments of my inner life that were deeply repressed. Its hard to distinguish if they were buried inside because dealing with them was such a dirty work or if leaving them unnamed meant that it was not possible to define them precisely enough so they would keep their true meaning. Perhaps all this life that Ive known so far was in fact no more but a dream about living. The only thing that has kept me in touch with reality was youI know it comes as a surprise and you may be wondering why it took me so long to come clean. You also may be wondering how come youve never noticed before. Ive tricked you on purpose yes and you must realize it really has nothing to do with you. Its always been me. This is why seeing you in my dream like that came out as a shock. You also must forgive me. You must forgive me because I know how it looks like that everything we ever shared was a lie and it wasntI am more of an illusionist that a deceiver but it all comes from being in fact a very private person. Even if it was true that you knew me better than anyone Id never admit it. Id rather dig my own heart out with a rotten spoon than admitting it. I may let people in my own little world occasionally but I would never let them be aware of it. I dont throw my intimacy in front of others especially when I care. The more I care the less I give away and this is something for you to understand and grant me your forgiveness. I didnt play my tricks on you in order to deceive you but rather to save myself and maybe even deceive myself as well. Ive had hidden my feelings for you so deeply that Ive learned to live with them as if any other casualty. I have done wrong to myself as much as I did to you and I dont know if I can forgive myself. So now I wonder could you forgive me without feeling sorry for me I certainly dont deserve your pity. Especially not now that I am awake.

I had a dream about you. In my dreams you are always different perhaps even more real to me. How can I explain this to you It seems like in my dreams I envision parts of you that you prefer keep under surface. You hide from me as if there was something to hide. You push me away in fear. Now I know you are not afraid of me but that you cant trust yourself since its beyond your control. I know its frightening to love someone that much. I know it because I am afraid too. And I just wish that for once we would be afraid together.

You went from my life right into my dreamsi can hardly tellIf im cursed or blessed I am sure things arent always as they seembut i drift awaymesmerized possessed.Memories i have uncertain and fragileIs what i have left and i have no peaceAt dawn fades awayall that i imaginei crave for your closenessi need more then this.Perhaps you are meant to guide and inspireto be ever timeless in the veil of mistflowing through my being in flaming desirethe one i cant reach and cannot resist.My darlinguniqueoutstanding perfectionso utterly complex you cant be recreatedI may be unworthy of your smallest fractionBut youve never lovednor anticipated.Every great passion is a work of fictionwhen we long for something that we cannot findSingle thought of you is like an addictionyetyoure not exaltedexcept in my mind.

Let it all go to wasteFor what I long for Im bound to resignBittersweet is like the taste of wineThis Loves captivating taste.Let my heart be tormented by wonderIt will never manage to attain.On my window symphony of rainOpen seas resound in strikes of thunder.Let my soul be lost til Sun is setAnd be found reborn within its deathI surrender the very last breathConfessing my sins with no regret.Let it all go to waste indeed.For with or without it the sentence is pain.Therefore in my stillness silenced will remainEverlasting dream and consuming need.