Famous Quotes from Jarod Kintz

Jarod Kintz quote #196 from I had a dream about you 2

I had a dream about you. I was a consumer and you were a consumed. My grocery list had 10 items on it. Items 1-9 were cat food and the 10th item was condoms. But not for sexthey were to store my leftovers as Tupperware had been decreed illegal by the king.
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Jarod Kintz quote #21 from I had a dream about you 2

I had a dream about you. You were a street vendor selling sidewalks and I was a roadside bicycle salesman selling two-wheeled dreams to pedestrians. You thought I was hurting your business and I thought you were a midget. Turns out we were both right.
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Jarod Kintz quote #58 from I had a dream about you 2

I had a dream about you. We were going to change the world. But instead you changed your clothes and changed your mind about going to the bar so I ended up crying on your sofa until my unicorn arrived to take me home.
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Jarod Kintz quote #38 from I had a dream about you 2

I had a dream about you. You fell into my arms like a 120-pound sack of gold coins. So I did what any respectable lover would doI buried you in the backyard so nobody could steal you away from me.
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Jarod Kintz quote #37 from We Had A #Dream About You

I had a dream about you. You were a dolphin in a fur coat and I was your shrink telling you that you were experiencing feelings of mammal inadequacies. You thought instead of paying me your money would be better spent on sex and I agreed. So I sold you a box of condoms and dead fish.
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Jarod Kintz quote #157 from We Had A #Dream About You

I had a dream about you. The stars in the constellations lined up the portals between the heavens were opened and you were looking for a blood sacrifice to make the trip. And I was there ready to sell you a box of used tampons.
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