I had a dream about you. I had superhuman strength not unlike I possess when Im awake and you wanted me to enter and win the Worlds Strongest Man competition. I told you my super strength should be used for the good of humanity as I tossed a beer keg 50 meters to earn the kiss of a female admirer and then I said Im going to become a baker in a colorful tent because the people need bread and circuses to survive all the corruption in the world.

I had a dream about you. You were saving your love for another man so I gave you a bigger Ziploc bag to save it in because if youre going to make that relationship work youve got to give more than what you gave to me. Later I regretted giving you my Ziploc bag because I was left with no place to store my sandwich so I had to rent a locker at the local YMCA.

I had a dream about you. You wanted to take a bath and I wanted to take a shower. It started raining so we went in the lake so we could both win. Then you got struck by lightning so I had to make love to someone else that night. I was very sad.

I had a dream about you. We were debating the nature of love and you said it was invisible and I said it was the color of gold. You accused me of being a banker and I accosted you for it. Nobody calls me a banker and lives to tell about it.

I had a dream about you. We were both in the finals at the World Cuddling Championships and my partner was my cat Capn The Sweetness Kintz and yours was a Teddy Bear named Teddy. While Teddys body could be manipulated in ways that would earn you style points with the judges he was lacking the personality of a person which The Sweetness certainly has. In the end we won partly because we were better cuddlers but mostly because I bribed the judges.

I had a dream about you. We drank coffee and laughed like old friends even though we were strangers bathing in the Brown River of Wakefulness. I laughed because you were naked and you laughed because Id just overpaid for a cup of coffee at Starbucks which the natives called Oompow which I would translate for you but its devastatingly embarrassing.

I had a dream about you. I asked you to dance and you said you already had a partner. That was when I noticed you were embracing a mannequin and I felt my face get flushed and I felt flustered. Its embarrassing when a mannequin is a better dancer than you but at least I was more agile than my grandpa who was making a fool of himself in the bathroom as he tried to tango with a urinal.

I had a dream about you. You were a florist and I was a floorist. You thought you were more romantic than me but I knew all the barefoot women in the Nicholas Sparks fan club would disagree.

I had a dream about you. We were shoveling dollar bills and used diapers and laughing like children. I was dancing like I had a fog machine in my pants and I did which is my moves were so mysterious.

I had a dream about you. You were trying to perfect the art of sexual intercourse and I offered you the use of one of my statues to practice on. Artists have to stick together even if one artist is sticking it to another artists work.