I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldnt decide which one to use so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.

I had a dream about you. You were storing my brain in a pickle jar in the fridge and I only discovered it when I went to garnish my hamburger. Mindless and hungry I was a US politicians ideal voter.

A female cop in my dream observes a shuffle and takes note but doesnt fully see the bank robbery I have just committed during the planned distraction. All she sees is a man with a lot of money and draws the wrong conclusionthat I am more handsome now than I was when she didnt know I had money and she saw me walk in the door.

I once had a dream about a woman and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that to try to save some lives but then my body relented and I went back to being a murderer.

I had a dream where I lost Capn among the hundreds of black and white cats and they all looked nearly identical to him. It was such a sad dream that it made me drool out of my eyes.

I had a dream about you. You were cooking me dinner and I was standing by the stove questioning your every move. You found me ungrateful and I found the number for Chinese takeout. I may not have wanted your food but I still wanted your love. Your love isnt burnt too is it

It is hard to imagine the things you have never seen.

I had a dream about you. You looked like you but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us we were too fake even for Hollywood. And as such we were forced to reside in Washington DC.

I had a dream about you. You were saving your love for another man so I gave you a bigger Ziploc bag to save it in because if youre going to make that relationship work youve got to give more than what you gave to me. Later I regretted giving you my Ziploc bag because I was left with no place to store my sandwich so I had to rent a locker at the local YMCA.

I had a dream about you. You wanted to take a bath and I wanted to take a shower. It started raining so we went in the lake so we could both win. Then you got struck by lightning so I had to make love to someone else that night. I was very sad.