I had a dream about you. You had just developed a way to drink sleep and I owned a coffee shop. You wanted to partner up but I suggested a more natural fit would be with a hotel. I recommended a sleazy one downtown where all the hookers go to sell sex.

I had a dream about you. You had a bottle made of smoky glass which made the contents appear mysterious and I had the last smoky exhalation of a dead smoker in a Ziploc bag. I offered to trade my sandwich for your drink but you said No thanks Im asexual.

I had a dream about you. I invented and sold shoes that left no footprints and you were thinking about committing a murder in a muddy area. I said that committing a murder was a bad idea and that you should commit several murders but I was just trying to sell more shoes.

I had a dream about you. You were trying to swim across the Atlantic Ocean and I figured Id help you out so I brought a bucket to the beach and scooped out about a gallon of sea water. I was pleased with myself because now youd have that much less water to swim through. People have drowned on a gallon of water so its very likely I saved your life. But I didnt do it to be honored like a hero though a parade would be nice. I did it for the free meals and the discounted sex.

I had a dream about you. Dinner for two turned into dinner for three when you told me you were pregnant. I was excited but a little nervous because we were at a fancy restaurant and I only had enough money in my wallet to pay for two. So being the gentleman I am I suggested that we skip out on the bill after we were finished eating.

I had a dream about you. I had a boomerang and you had a Frisbee. You asked if I wanted to play catch and I said yes. Then you stood around waiting for me to throw to you and I just looked at you like you were crazy because I had a boomerangand therefore I didnt need you to play catch. Geez youre as useless as the Central Bank.

I had a dream about you. We got into an argument over the toilet seat. Down up down up down up we each thought we were right. Finally being a natural diplomat I suggested we compromise and leave the toilet seat halfway between down and up. You called me an idiot and I said Thats precisely why the majority of the population voted me into public office.

I had a dream about you. You thought we had everything we neededfood water shelter and love. But I forgot to tell you that to buy the food water and shelter I sold our love to a Silicon Valley investor who wanted to turn it into an app.

I had a dream about you. You were a test-tube salesman and I was the worlds first test-tube baby. You were excited to meet me and you asked me what I was doing with myself. I said I was a uterus salesman and that life was good.

I had a dream about you. We sold love like a couple of roadside lemonade-stand vendors. Your love was organic and mine was made with yellow tennis balls.